Townsville Twist

Sunday, 13 August 2006

Drinking Tips for Uni Students

It is my strong feeling that drinking at universities has become a problem that undermines the academic atmosphere and turns brilliance into slobbering vomiting sloth. I have thus compiled a guide on responsible practices when drinking and how to remain respectable when one is undertaking this regretful activity.

1. Whilst doing that trick where you suction a shot glass to the side of your face by sucking all the air out with your mouth and sliding it to your cheek, don't suck too hard. You don't want people to be thinking your partner is a wifebasher, now.

2. Make sure you get REALLY close to cameras because otherwise it's hard to see you in the picture.

3. When staying the night at a friend's house, try to use some sort of support for the head. Scuba tanks aren't recommended, but they sure look funny.

4. After a few drinks, it is easy to get slightly disorientated, like this individual. No, the bottle doesn't go in that way...

...Well, that's close enough...

5. Now for hats. Hats go on your head, not your face.

Not that way, silly.

Good work!

As my uncle always said, "At uni you don't have too much money, so you're going to have to choose between food and beer sometimes. There are a lot of hungry uni students out there."

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