Have you been Touched?

If you've never heard of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you probably haven't spent enough time on the net. Basically it's a parody religion first established during the Intelligent Design debate of 2005 and argues that there are multiple theories of ID. One theory is that the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world (beginning with mountains, trees and a midget). Since this theory and that of God doing it all have pretty much the same evidence to support them (i.e. none) it is only fair that FSMism should be taught alongside ID in schools.

Pastafarianism, as it is called, was extremely well-recieved among the public and has been accepted by many, probably because its version of heaven has a beer volcano and stripper factory. As a firm believer in the power of science, I accepted the FSM into my daily life and encourage others to be Touched by His Noodly Appendage by preaching the good word when I'm outrageously drunk.

Being a science student, I have to attend practical classes during which I have to wear a lab coat. I've been looking for something to put on the back of my lab coat for a while now, and finally made up my mind today.


For more information on His Noodliness, go here.

My Bar Fridge

One of THE most important things a uni student will ever own is a bar fridge. Now, being a guru on all things alcoholic, my dad knew this and gave me a fully-stocked fridge when uni started. This is my bar fridge before O-Week:

And this is my bar fridge after O-Week:

Am I not the model uni student?

Bugger

At John Flynn College, you are given the options of living in crappy, tolerable or comparatively luxurious accomodation. If you're poverty stricken and end up with a crappy room (which, as a side note, have recently been done up and aren't too horrible anymore) you may be lucky enough to be on the balcony side and have your very own little patch of slab overlooking my bedroom window. Now imagine the following individual's dismay when they discovered that they couldn't use theirs because that's where the water heater lived.

Ripped off! Alas, somebody needs to make sacrifices so I can shower for as long as I want.

Drinking Tips for Uni Students

It is my strong feeling that drinking at universities has become a problem that undermines the academic atmosphere and turns brilliance into slobbering vomiting sloth. I have thus compiled a guide on responsible practices when drinking and how to remain respectable when one is undertaking this regretful activity.

1. Whilst doing that trick where you suction a shot glass to the side of your face by sucking all the air out with your mouth and sliding it to your cheek, don't suck too hard. You don't want people to be thinking your partner is a wifebasher, now.



2. Make sure you get REALLY close to cameras because otherwise it's hard to see you in the picture.



3. When staying the night at a friend's house, try to use some sort of support for the head. Scuba tanks aren't recommended, but they sure look funny.



4. After a few drinks, it is easy to get slightly disorientated, like this individual. No, the bottle doesn't go in that way...



...Well, that's close enough...



5. Now for hats. Hats go on your head, not your face.



Not that way, silly.




Good work!




As my uncle always said, "At uni you don't have too much money, so you're going to have to choose between food and beer sometimes. There are a lot of hungry uni students out there."

Seamus slapped my nice arse

No, I'm not revealing anything about what happened that fuzzy night after the last exam, I am merely reciting a mnemonic I use to remember the metamorphic progression of shale.

And alas, for it is probably the last time I'll ever have to use it - I'm no longer doing geology. It was one of the most influential subjects I've ever taken and I'm so glad I did it. It breaks my heart to leave behind my dear lecturer, Blenky Boy, with whom I have such fond memories. Who could forget the overnight field trip we went on together? The starry skies watched over by the luminous moon... the campfire that burned like the love in our souls... the columnar joints in the igneous rock and its delicious plagioclase phenocrysts... And who could forget how sexy he looked in this kid's camp chair?

That pose is totally turning me on.

As our love blossomed over the semester, I learned so many valuable things, like the cleavages and hardness of... hee hee... minerals. We dined on sedimentary rocks together, and on one special occasion, he rubbed his own saliva all over the rock I was studying so its features would come out. He was a man of many talents - so many desirable talents.

And when he spoke about tectonic plates I could feel my world shaking, vibrant and alive! Together we explored the mysterious trenches, scaled the highest peaks and rejoiced with the erupting behemoth volcanoes. And even though his arm was cradled in plaster, he had no shame in wiggling his noodle with it to demonstrate the P- and S- waves that so rocked my world.

In secret, we met under the canopy of green life to discuss the finer points of microgranodiorite, swathed in soft sunlight beside the restfully gurgling stream...

If it weren't for you, my sweet Blenky Boy, I would never have been able to get a high distinction in geology... Well, maybe the completed pracs and exams passed down from a second year helped a little bit.