Townsville Twist

Sunday, 22 October 2006

This is the Vegemite that never ends...

Over the last Octoberish uni break I went to Hook Island and enjoyed a week of camping on coral rubble, getting drunk, diving and getting even more drunk. At the end of the week I'd used maybe less than a teaspoon of the jar of Vegemite I bought for the trip.

I have no use for Vegemite. I eat it in such small quantities it barely registers on my tastebuds - that's the only way I like it. Now I have a whole jar of the stuff lying around and I'm going to use it, damnit. Presenting my Top Ten Things To Do With Unwanted Vegemite!

#1 - Spread it on thickly and give it to an American, telling them that this is how Aussies eat it. I didn't have a Yank handy so I had to go without a photo.

#2 - Gross out my bathroomate

#3 - Finger Painting!

It's a horse. Vegemite really helps bring out the muscle definition, huh? If anyone wants this, it's in my fridge. I'd put it on my fridge but the ants would probably eat certain parts and turn it into a cock or something for a laugh.

#4 - Seeing what I'd look look like as a dude

Pretty hot I reckon. Millions of people from either sex are missing out!

#5 - Ye Ole Doorknob Tricke

#6 - Smear it all over someone's scuba regulator mouthpiece. Um... yeah... I was supposed to do it to mine for a photo but my reg's locked away and I just found out I've lost the key. Crap.

#7 - Use it to deface the empty SOULESS completely unlikable characters of Final Fantasy XII

The gameplay 0wns... I only wish they'd spent some time thinking up a less retarded story and working on character development.

#8 - Face paint

Holy shit I make an awesome black chick. I'm gonna go hang with my bro's and ho's. When I washed it out, it got in my eyes and stung like nothing else, so maybe face paint isn't such a good idea.

#9 - Stinking out the microwave

Wow, I'd never done that before, it totally exploded! Awesome! Unfortunately it stank out the entire building, not just the microwave. I'm gagging on the stench right now.

#10 - I suppose you could eat it...

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Monday, 16 October 2006

I am better than my Tutors.

James Cook University is world-renowned as one of the top universities in the world for Marine Biology - precisely why I'm here. So far, the course has been fairly good. Sometimes disorganised, but mostly good. The only thing that bugs me are the tutors for the practical components of our subjects. For the most part, they suck.

A few weeks ago, we were looking at a dissected squid and fish. The task we were given involved drawing up a table of differences between the two in 100 words. For starters, this is retarded, because these two animals are so goddamn different you could write forever about it. And then it happened:

"And while fish reproduce externally, squid give birth to live young."

My bullshit detector went off straight away but I didn't say anything, because, hell, if these suckers want to lose marks by writing complete crap that's fine with me. I got busy that evening making sure I was right - and I was. Squid lay eggs, like every other damn cephalopod. So I kicked up a bit of shit by emailing the co-ordinators about it and got the tutors in trouble. Fun fun. Then on my assignment I added a smug little footnote about them being wrong. Man I love being smart.

A week later our assignments were available for collection. Mine was filled with wonderful little comments like this:

I thought about emailing the co-ordinators and telling them what unprofessional hooligans they were being represented by.... but I was laughing too hard. Fuck me if I can't take a joke.

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Sunday, 8 October 2006

Iago Strikes Back!

James Cook University is located in some sort of National Park, or so I've been led to believe. This means we can't have pets on campus - not fluffy ones anyway. Being an avid fish girl, I went out and bought myself a little Siamese fighting fish and called him Iago.

Iago is my best mate. I can tell him everything and he'll listen. If I'm sad, he'll wiggle at me to cheer me up. Granted, his advice is somewhat lacking in tight situations, but at least he doesn't judge. I couldn't ask for a better friend... except maybe one that doesn't watch me in the shower.
Iago does some cool stuff. Our favourite trick is getting him to jump out of the water and take food from my hand - he's very impatient and does it whether there's an audience or not, so I guess it's no skin off his nose. This trick gets modified occasionally, exchanging a hand for some other body part. Like TONGUES, you filthy people... though I suppose that's pretty filthy as well.

Enjoy this then, my big YouTube hit, Iago biting my good friend Jess' tongue!

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Friday, 6 October 2006

Tequila - that's all I need to say.

When it comes to drinking, I can't refuse a cold Corona. When it comes to drinking hard, I can't refuse a shot or ten of my good friend Jose Cuervo. Jose and I have spent many memorable nights together, and he's the one I always take home with me at the end of the night (providing I haven't left him in somebody's toilet... or floor... or both).

We met on my 18th birthday party and have been close ever since. When my friends see him coming they know there's going to be trouble. When I decided much older men were great at kissing, Jose was there. When I decided it would be great to throw up all over someone else's bathroom, Jose was there. When I dance so hard that I'm drenched in sweat when the club closes at 5am, you'll know Jose was there. And when somebody mentioned making out with everyone in the room, ladies included, yep, it was Jose.

Jose is responsible for many of my finest and not so finest moments... God bless you, tequila.

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