The worst time to sober up

Imagine your friend suddenly springs into your room, crying and sobbing that her boyfriend of two years has, for no apparent reason, decided not to pursue the relationship anymore. What are your options?

a) Tissues, chocolate and some romantic comedy that you yell at everytime someone says 'I'll love you forever" - "YOU LIAR!!!!!"

b) Bake muffins. LOTS of muffins.

c) Tell her how fantastic it is that she's free now (i.e. suicide).

d) Get another friend over, have a few drinks and put on all her sexy lingerie that she won't need anymore and go prancing around the university.

Yeah... we picked d.

Now, try to imagine what ran through my head when I sobered up and realised that I was a long way from home, wearing nothing except a corset, undies that said "It doesn't count if you don't get caught", fish net stockings, a broken pair of handcuffs clamped around one wrist and a vibrator in my other hand. You guessed it: "..........................................oh fuck".

The funny thing was that she was still upset in the morning. I mean, did we not do our best to cheer her up? On another interesting note, would you call this a man or a woman? We still don't know.

The Worst Haircut Ever.

One of my friends was feeling a little bit down yesterday and decided to do some sort of purging activity that involved scissors, hair and dye. Unfortunately for her, she chose me as her accomplice. Now, I know as much about hair as I do about keeping a stable relationship with someone who doesn't already have a girlfriend, but she wouldn't listen.


For your entertainment, I present The Worst Haircut Ever...






Starting off, we have the worst fringe ever. It's half not there, half emo, ALL AWFUL!


This is my version of layering. It's really very easy I found. You just cut some bits short and keep others long. Before you know it, you have a great haircut that all the boys will go wild over!

I discovered I had a real talent with streaks about this time. If by streaks you mean "giant tracks of peroxide that look more like an industrial accident than directed application".

Wow, what a great look! She got told off at work later that night. I don't know what they were on about though, her boobs look fine.

I decided to help get rid of the remaining red dye. Sadly, my haircut wasn't nearly as amazing as Mel's and so I can't really carry it off as well.

Well, what do you think? Should I open up my own salon?