The worst time to sober up

Imagine your friend suddenly springs into your room, crying and sobbing that her boyfriend of two years has, for no apparent reason, decided not to pursue the relationship anymore. What are your options?

a) Tissues, chocolate and some romantic comedy that you yell at everytime someone says 'I'll love you forever" - "YOU LIAR!!!!!"

b) Bake muffins. LOTS of muffins.

c) Tell her how fantastic it is that she's free now (i.e. suicide).

d) Get another friend over, have a few drinks and put on all her sexy lingerie that she won't need anymore and go prancing around the university.

Yeah... we picked d.

Now, try to imagine what ran through my head when I sobered up and realised that I was a long way from home, wearing nothing except a corset, undies that said "It doesn't count if you don't get caught", fish net stockings, a broken pair of handcuffs clamped around one wrist and a vibrator in my other hand. You guessed it: "..........................................oh fuck".

The funny thing was that she was still upset in the morning. I mean, did we not do our best to cheer her up? On another interesting note, would you call this a man or a woman? We still don't know.

Calling for help

Come on people, do your bit for Emilio! If you have a lay-dee friend who's down and lonely, whisk her off to RSVP.com.au and introduce her to the FABULOUS Emilio. He looks after orphaned animals......

Still no responses. I'm starting to think those dating sites are only looked at by horny guys wanting to score. Well... I suppose Emilio could swing both ways...

Introducing... Emilio Bonero and the Amazing RSVP Project

So, in the Vegemite post a couple of days ago there was a picture of me with a little beard made out of Vegemite. What I didn't realise was the effect this picture would have on some of my female friends. And I quote: "Whoa. You're........ HOT!". And so one thing lead to another and somebody came up with the brilliant idea of creating an RSVP.com.au profile using the picture and creating a fictional character around it. People, I'd like to introduce you to Emilio Bonero!

Hi there! I'm a fun, nature-loving artist who likes burying myself in a good book just as much as meeting friends out and about. I moved from Santiago, Chile to Australia when I was 15 and recently finished a degree in fine arts. I have come to love this country and all its natural beauty which I find very inspiring when I come to put brush to canvas.

Music: I love emotional classical music along with a lot of modern artists like Dean Martin, Pearl Jam, Alanis Morissette and Mike Oldfield. When I'm painting I love listening to Massive Attack - it's very deep and instinctive, helps me be more expressive. Traditional Chilean music always makes me happy!

Reading: I'm a huge fan of the classics, especially dystopian literature - To Kill a Mockingbird, 1984, The Old Man and the Sea, Brave New World, Catcher in the Rye, all the way to comedy like Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy and poetry like Keats and Coleridge (Rime of the Ancient Mariner is my favourite) Movies: American Beauty, Cinema Paradiso, A Scanner Darkly, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie..... and I have to admit I treat myself to some junk action every now and then ;)

Sport: I swim laps as part of my regular exercise routine, and like to snorkel and scuba dive occasionally. Every couple of weeks my friends and I play soccer together in the park.

Other interests: Corny as it may sound, I love walking along the beach, and here in Townsville there is a lot of beach to cover! The natural world holds much beauty for me, and inspires a lot of the painting I do. I'm also a qualified wildlife carer and look after orphaned wallabies and birds.

In my experience all women are beautiful, I have ample time to share with you and look forward to it!

What a catch! Now we play the waiting game......